This time of year

The air is colder, the leaves have fallen and my heart is especially tender. This time of year is about letting go and going within as winter is coming in the northland. My mood is reflecting that it seems. I find myself holding deep grief and gratitude together in this human heart in ways that surprise me.

Tomorrow I am releasing a new single, the first in three over years since James, my son, passed. It is called Ashes and Tears and the song’s lyrics were a collaborative effort with a college classmate, Brett Norgaard. Brett’s son Bjorn died tragecially at the age of 23 some years ago. When he learned of my son Jame’s passing in December 2022 he reached out to listen to stories of James and to share with me about Bjorn. Brett is a poet and asked if I would be interested in collaborating on a song. He sent me a verse that described the release of his son’s ashes at the place where he passed cross country skiing, and how the ashes and family tears mixed at that moment. I went on to add our own experience releasing ashes. Then we asked one another what are we curious about now that they are in spirit. We are curious about our children’s experience now that they are in spirit and if the same adventures they loved as young men still thrill them. Ashes and Tears is a song that is shared with the intent of providing hope and allowing other parents to know they are not alone in the grief journey. As much as I am experiencing this an everchanging process, it is also complicated.

As my family approaches the three year mark without James in our physical circle, I am continuing to breathe through the days with intention. I cannot say it is easier to cope now, but it does feel different. It is ever changing, sometimes in the moment to be honest. I can feel his presence closely one moment and then find myself in the next moment surving a tremendous wave of sorrow. May music be the medicine to heal us.